I'm still no where close ;; This money is very important.
I know I'm not a person people know personally, or care about, I know I don't submit much or partake in the community, I'm not really important. But I need help, this is my only change to get out.
I appreciate those who have helped and spread the word, you're amazing sweet people, I still can't do commissions at the moment because I'm so full and I'm very tired (I recently have had extremely highly painful lower back issues due to sleeping out in the van which is causing me to lose 5+ extra hours of sleep every night and this can't be helped)
Please if you can donate a little, this money does go to helping my cats find a good home, help pay the people taking me in and other things I need personally on this journey.
Still need help guys, I have a ton of commissions to do so sadly I can't open anymore for awhile but please if you can donate, even a little helps me so much! ;;v;; Even if I can't reach my goal, that is okay. I just wanna get out and let this be the last time I'm a horrible beggar for money. orz
I leave October 13th
For those who have helped me, you are absolutely wonderful people and I love you guys, tysm for everything you've done for me. ;;
Still no where near my goal, keep in mind I have till 10/13 to have at least something close to this goal, even if it isn't it! Please help me or commission me or anything. ;;v;; (I still have to work on what I have but I just desperately need money for this move)
Thank you everyone who has helped me, every tiny bit even a dollar means the world!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------I have a goal! Before Oct. 11th to move three states away, and have money to take care of myself, pay back the wonderful people who are helping me, and to sadly take care of my cats for who I have to give up for adoption....
If you can't donate through the paypal.me
Donate through my email: firstname.lastname@example.org (friends and family to avoid fee)
Thank you again everyone!!!!
Hello everyone! Fear here.
I know I always post "OMG DIS IS BIG UPDATE PLZ READ KTHNX"
But this time it is very very big.
I'm finally moving out in Oct. c: >
I know a lot of people on here are probably tired of every other journal or post being me begging for money, but this is the last time I will need as much money as I can, and sadly it can't be all by work, because I am only one person and I still have work to do oof.
A lot of people know my story, a lot don't. I can't spare all the details as I have with others due to not trusting the internet and their SJWs.
Overall, I live a pretty hard life. (I know there will be some of you who are all "psh whatever don't we all?")
If you are going to be like that, this journal isn't for you. c: >WARNING
, LONG STORY STUFF:
Anyway, from what I can officially tell you, my parents are very overprotective. When I was younger I was never allowed out to go with anyone or do anything like all the other kids my age. I was the only child so most of my life has been just by myself sitting in my room. When I first started DeviantART, it was because everytime my mother left to go to the store or take a shower, I would sneak onto her computer that I wasn't allowed on because I figured I could find friends there since no one irl liked me and I was frequently bullied by students and teachers. (plus if I ever did find a friend I was dumped soon after for other people orz) And I did find this art community, I found where I wanted to go and share my talent so many people told me I had!
So I did.
But my parents obsessiveness over me and my well being didn't stop there. If you are a really old watcher of mine then you will remember Summer! Well during the friendship and relationship I had with her, my parents constantly kept taking my phone at night and reading through my messages. How I never got caught it was beyond me, but I did get in trouble for some roleplaying stuff and they went through my pictures all the time.
After the breakup with Summer everything went down hill for me. I fell into the worst depression you could get into because Summer never let me have friends, she always chased them away by spreading lies about me, and when the breakup actually happened, she went on tumblr with all her friends and I had no one. No one cared about me.
I told my mom I wanted to see a psychiatrist, or a therapist, because I was getting bad thoughts, suicidal thoughts, because I figured since no one wanted me or loved me, and even my own parents neglected me of affection, I figured I am just wasted space.
But my mother told me no, that I would need to get over it, because she had depression when she was younger and had to "get over it".
And so I did, it was hard and I had to fight urges and resist. I moved past it all. Found Rizzy and a handful of wonderful sweet friends on the internet.
But through the years, my depression has affected me badly due to people I've come across, and how my life has been turning out in this household specifically. I feel numb, and if I feel anything its crying. The bad thoughts come in and out and I am just really unhappy. Even friends or my girlfriend hasn't been brightening a smile on my face, because I'm so swallowed up.
And I will tell you why, or as much as I can.
I live through mass flea infestations, mass mice infestations, and so forth. My parents have become abusive, they fight with themselves and if anything happens they blame me for it. I've gotten into the most horrid screaming fits in my life with them, over how things are and so forth. Luckily for me I'm pass the stage of physical punishment. My mother use to hit me with her fist on my head every time I cried because I couldn't solve a math problem quick enough in highschool or grab my hair when I tried to run away from her or bite me when I held my hands up and grabbed her wrists from wailing on me in self defense.
Let me clarify she does NOT
whack me anymore or even touch me, so do not get bent out of shape over that.
Overall I live in a pisshole of trying to take care of abusive parents who blame me for literally everything that happens and I'm always itchy and feel really sick and I have no insurance and NO one in irl really cares about my well being. My other family could care less about me, they are too busy babying my rich pampered "oh so talented" cousin that drives and has a job and everyone kisses her perfect butt. And she is a year younger than me.
Back to my living conditions though, I sleep in a van now, our old broken one that doesn't work anymore. I can't sleep on my mattress on the floor because the fleas.
My parents refuse to take care of any issue in the house, my mother does not do the laundry anymore so as TMI as this sounds, I have to go without clean underwear for weeks, wearing the same pair for so long its unsanitary. She won't let me do my own laundry because I made one tiny mistake (trust me I cried because I forgot what she told me A MONTH AGO about not turning the nob a certain way or something) and I got screamed at viciously and I'm not allowed to touch the washer or dryer. So I have to sit in filthy clothes till she gets off her butt to do it and that could be a whole month.
I am the only one struggling to take care of our animals, and buying with little funds to keep them fed and somewhat taken care of for fleas, my mother refuses to get rid of our birds which could save us a LOT of money on actual food for us and die down the mice population that eats all the bird seed at night. It has been hard.
I also have been sick, my body constantly is in pain, and I have minor paralysis spinal issues that my spine randomly pops and it hurts like hell and I can't move my body for a short amount of time. I can't go to the doctor for any of these issues. We make sure that my dad and mom have money for their doctor bills (they are both in their 60s) Even when I broke a couple of bones in my right ankle, I couldn't go to the doctor, so now my ankle is permanently messed up and hurts every so often and is weak.
I never feel good or have energy to do anything which leads to my discussion about commissions and work.
If I ever take too long on a commission, I apologize. Since now you know how my life is, trying to get away from what I live in is impossible and it takes me awhile to gather energy to do work I'm suppose to be doing. I know you don't want a messed up commission, I don't either. So for those who have to wait so long, please forgive me.
My computer is still broken, and I don't know when I will have its new battery, so when the heat is too hot in the house I can't use my computer unless you want me to take pictures of a laptop on fire or something.
As you have read, if you made it this far, I live a hard life. I know there are people out there who have no sympathy towards me, who are like "just leave and get a job and stop being a lazy crybaby ass" (because I've had people actually do that to me)
If only it were so easy. Because it is not.
I am not "popular" on here, I have over 1,000 watchers but only 50+ probably pay attention to what I have to say. If even that. And since I don't like the Tumblr community, I stray away from that place, but I know people who frequent there often.
What I'm saying is I need help. Very big help. This move is a big step away from the toxins and pain I'm in. Physically and mentally.... The pain I've ALWAYS been in ever since I was little.
As anyone would, I want to be free from it. Live in a healthy environment with people that love and care about me and don't care what I am or how mentally fucked up I've ended up being.
I have so many mental issues that it isn't even funny, with anxiety and anger and I don't want to be that person anymore.
I will be moving in with Rizzy and her mom. They are coming to get me the second weekend of Oct.
And before this trip I need as much money as I can gather.
People tell me "just open a GoFundMe!"
But that place makes you put the city where you live and people do NOT need to know that.
And two, there are people with children who have cancer, who are dying, who are dead and they can't afford funeral services, people who have lost their homes, and people who are downright suffering twenty times more than I am.
I will NOT be selfish and beg for money on that site when so many other people need that money so much more than I do. I am not that kind of person that takes away from them. It isn't right of me.
But my paypal and ko-fi are open.
I don't know how much money I need but every single bit counts!!
I will try to open up commissions again when I can, thank you everyone who is being so patient with me.
Here is my To Do List:Zyra
- 2 Fullbodies - SketchedRanasan
- Traditional Waist up- Coloring and Shading stageFallen
- Two Waist ups (was traditional, moved to digital)Puppet
- Busts (idr how many will have to ask)- PendingPhantom-Ice
- A sketchy couple drawing thing- PendingChere
- Fullbody- Shading
And then Rizzy's
birthday gifts I gotta finish before deadline orz
If you have gotten all the way to the end of this journal, thank you. Thank you so much for reading, even taking the time of day to care if even slightly.
I'm finally gonna get away, I'm gonna be in a healthy environment and cared about! And I won't have to beg for money anymore and I can work on my webcomics and feel good instead of tired and sick and forcing myself to work.
Please help, signal boost, donation, anything matters.
I'll be putting down names of all those who helped. (so if you donate money, please leave a note if you can with your username so I know who you are!)
Thank you again everyone.